After 40 years as a hack journalist and writer I’ve earned the right to have an ambiguous relationship with words. I’m still amazed that I can start with hieroglyphics on my keyboard and wind up doing a passable imitation of one of a dozen chimpanzees pounding on a dozen keyboards over two dozen eons until one of us accidentally composes Hamlet.
This month I offer you a quiz. You have to identify whether each name listed is: A. a True Value Hardware interior paint color; B. an IPA or local alcoholic drink, or; C. a stakes-winning thoroughbred racehorse.
Alphabet Soup* indeed.
I thought about adding Hood Ice Cream flavors as a fourth choice but thoroughbred racehorse names are limited to 18 characters including spaces. Cape Cod Lighthouse Illuminated Apple Core ** is way over the top in several ways.
While the answers and brief explanations will appear below, please don’t scope out the results ahead of time. What kinda fun is that? Cheat, and gazpacho with onions will be poured over any vowels you come in contact with.
A thank you to our friends at The HopKnot in Brady Sullivan Plaza, To Share Brewery at 720 Union Street and LeBlanc’s True Value Hardware at 621 Hayward Street. I also consulted the 1993 American Racing Manual as it was the last year I actually picked a winner at the track.
1-Weekend Surprise.
2-Lilac Bliss.
3-Cherry Brandy.
4-American Red.
5-Texas Red.
6-Slumber Party.
7-Merely Tenacity.
8-Cultured Pearl.
9-Gold Civic.
10-Pale Moon.
11-Summer Squall.
12-Hopportunity.
13-Downeast Double.
14-Exterminator.
15-Smokey’s Kangaroo.
16-Horse Hay.
17-Pumpkin Moonshine.
18-November Mist.
19-Midnight Snow.
20-November Snow.
*Alphabet Soup won the 1996 Breeders’ Cup Classic
** Not an actual ice cream flavor, YET!
1-Weekend Surprise(C) had Secretariat for a Daddy; 2-Lilac Bliss(A) is a True Value paint color, hopefully one you can smell; 3-Cherry Brandy (A) is a paint color. The clue is in the title of the article!; 4-American Red(B) is an IPA ; 5-Texas Red(C) won the 2014 Breeders’ Cup Juvenile; 6- Slumber Party(A) is a stay-up-all-night-giggling paint color; 7-Merely Tenacity(B) is a dry hard cider with Sunnycrest Apples; 8-Cultured Pearl(A) is a paint color; 9-Gold Civic(B) is a New England IPA; 10-Pale Moon(A) is an almost invisible paint color; 11-Summer Squall(C) won the 1990 Preakness; 12-Hopportunity(C) won $4.7 million for trainer Bob Baffert; 13-Downeast Double(B) is an IPA; 14-Exterminator(C) won the 1918 Kentucky Derby, though it’s also a great name for an IPA or a paint color; 15-Smokey’s Kangaroo(B) is a West Coast IPA; 16-Horse Hay(A) is an edible True Value paint color; 17-Pumpkin Moonshine(C) was a racehorse; 18-November Mist(A) is a True Value paint color; 19-Midnight Snow (B) is an IPA; 20-November Snow(C) won a pair of prestigious stakes races at Saratoga in 1992 even though it was only August.
Prizes based on the number you have correct…
0-4: You get to ride and share hay, oats and water with Zippy Chippy, a perfect zero-for-100 in his racing career. While he’s a minor racing celebrity, you’ll have to deal with an obnoxious Yankees fan as his owner/trainer.
5-9: Warm British ale and soggy bread pudding at London’s Duck & Dog Pub with Keith Richards and Boris Karloff, also dead.
10-14: A sickly sweet Mint Julep in a handy souvenir glass and a free blanket in the raucous Kentucky Derby infield. You’ll have Snoop Dog and Martha Stewart to share a sing-along and stock tips with.
15-20: A tailgate keg party with Queen Elizabeth in her coach at Royal Ascot, the most prestigious race meet in the world. You get to hobnob with a bevy of beautiful duchesses and a quartet of cute footmen in Beefeaters uniforms. You also get to announce a 24-horse field from head-on on a straightaway in the fog. Please let me know if you need this chimpanzee to assist as a spotter. I’ve already written the first part of the call: “To see, or not to see, that is the question.”