O P I N I O N

UNBOTHERED & UNBOSSED

By Shamecca Brown

I see interracial relationships more often in the South than in the city. In places like New York, where different cultures blend every day, people don’t always stop to notice who’s dating who. But in the South, or in places where diversity isn’t as deeply woven into everyday life, people seem to pay more attention, especially when a child is involved. That’s when opinions start coming out, whether welcomed or not.

I’ve been to Dallas, Texas, The South, twice, and I like it there. But one thing that really caught my attention was the number of interracial couples. I didn’t just see just Black and white pairings, I saw Indian and Black couples, Asian and white, and even Samoan and Black. It made me turn my head, not because I was judging, but because I don’t see that often where I’m from. I had to remind myself not to stare, so I played it off like I was looking at something else.

What really stood out to me was the thought of the children growing up in these families. I found myself hoping that these kids get the chance to learn about both sides of their culture. No judgment at all, I actually think it’s exciting to grow up with such rich diversity. But at the same time, I couldn’t help but think about how society might make things harder for them. Mixed kids are still treated differently, still asked to “pick a side,” still questioned about their identity. As beautiful as it is to see love breaking barriers, I just hope that these children are raised to embrace their full heritage, before the world tries to tell them who they should be.

You know at first, a Black woman with a white man or an Asian woman with a Black man might not turn too many heads. People may whisper, but they keep it moving. But when a baby enters the picture, suddenly, there’s an unspoken expectation: How will they raise that child? Which culture will they follow? Will they know their history? What side will they choose? It’s as if mixed kids are expected to prove their existence is valid, to show that they belong somewhere instead of everywhere. That’s why I say society will play a big part in their lives if they let it. 

Some people have reactions – well, we all have reactions – that no one likes to talk about. Some people like to act like interracial love is fully accepted in today’s world, but if you listen closely, the judgment is still there. Some folks romanticize it, thinking mixed babies are automatically “beautiful” or “exotic,” as if their identity is just a trend. Others believe interracial couples are just “curious” or “going through a phase,” as if real love can’t exist across racial lines.

And then there are those who won’t say it out loud, but you can feel it in their energy, the disapproval, the awkward stares, the backhanded comments like, “Oh, so you’re into that now?” or “You know your child is gonna be confused, right?” It’s subtle but heavy, like an invisible weight that mixed families have to carry.

But the reality is, mixed kids don’t have to be confused unless the people around them make them feel that way. It’s not the child who struggles with identity, it’s society that struggles to accept them fully.

Now let me get into the Black Man & White Woman Dynamic. Out of all interracial pairings, one that seems to ruffle the most feathers is a Black man with a white woman. I’ve seen it firsthand, I’ve been there done that myself, the stares, the side-eye, the unspoken tension. Some of it comes from Black women, who feel like Black men abandon them for white women, whether for status, preference, or escape. Some of it comes from white men, who don’t like seeing their women with Black men. And then there’s the older generation, on both sides, who still hold onto the idea that this kind of relationship shouldn’t happen at all.

What’s even more interesting to me is how some Black men in these relationships react when walking with their partner of a different race. I’ve seen some who fully embrace their partner, but I’ve also seen Black men act like they aren’t even with the white woman they’re walking beside. It’s almost as if they feel embarrassed or unsure about how people will react, so they distance themselves just enough to avoid confrontation. And let’s be real, there’s a history behind that reaction. Black men have been criminalized, attacked, and even killed for being with white women. That fear doesn’t just disappear overnight.

But on the flip side, there are also Black men who seem to date white women just to make a statement, like it’s a status symbol, a way to prove they’ve “leveled up.” That mindset is just as problematic as the hate they receive for their relationship. Love should never be about proving a point.

I wonder if those in mixed relationships think about bringing a child into the world, especially the world we live in today. I’ll say this: I see kids who don’t know where they fit in. They are either “not Black enough” or “not white enough,” and it’s confusing for them. They might grow up in one culture but look like another, or they might feel pressure to “choose a side” instead of just being themselves.

I once had a white mother, whom I met at a soccer game, reach out to me because she didn’t know how to do her Black daughter’s hair. She asked me if I could help, and when I saw the little girl, she definitely needed it, a big Afro ponytail that hadn’t been styled properly. So I did her hair, washed it, blew it out, and braided it. When I was done, the little girl couldn’t stop smiling. She loved it, and her mother was so thankful.

That moment stuck with me, and funny enough, it led to me doing hair on the side for mixed children. And I love it. I’ve noticed that it gives these kids confidence and helps them love their hair, even though it has a different texture from their parents’. For some of them, it’s the first time they’ve ever had their hair done in a way that truly honors who they are.

But this goes beyond hair, it’s about identity. When children don’t see themselves represented in their own homes, it can leave them feeling lost. Something as simple as learning how to care for their hair, their skin, or their cultural traditions can make a huge difference in their self-esteem.

Interracial relationships and mixed kids challenge the way people see race, and that makes some uncomfortable. For generations, people were taught to “stick with their own” to protect culture, bloodlines, and traditions. But love isn’t about race. It’s about connection, respect, and understanding.

The real problem isn’t mixed relationships, it’s the outdated mindset that still lingers. If people focused on how well a child is raised instead of what percentage of their DNA comes from where, we wouldn’t even be having these conversations. Mixed kids aren’t confused unless society makes them feel that way. They aren’t proof of a culture disappearing, they’re proof that love doesn’t have borders.

You know it’s the end when I say… “At the end of the day,” in my opinion, there’s nothing wrong with interracial relationships. Love is love, and it should never be confined to societal boundaries. But as a society, we have a responsibility to be more accepting and understanding of these relationships and the children they bring into the world. Maybe the  more we embrace this, the more we can ensure that the next generation grows up feeling accepted, valued, and free to be their true selves, regardless of their background.

Shamecca Brown is a columnist, advocate, and mother rooted in New York grit and New Hampshire growth. Her writing uplifts the unheard, challenges systems, and speaks truth from the inside out. She can be reached at shameccabny@gmail.com