O P I N I O N
THE SOAPBOX
Stand up. Speak up. It’s your turn.
In 1962, at the age of 16, I met a transgender person for the first time — the gifted hair stylist whose abilities my employer greatly valued. Their relationship was marked by mutual respect, and though I didn’t yet have the language to describe their identity, the encounter opened my eyes and broadened my understanding of the human experience.
Two decades later, I supervised an employee navigating the early stages of gender transition. In a time when such decisions were met with significant social and professional risk, our employer offered support until that individual felt ready to pursue other work. Again, I witnessed firsthand the quiet courage it takes to live authentically in a world that often does not understand.
By the mid-1990s, a close friend confided in me about their spouse’s journey with gender identity, a revelation that reshaped their family and relationships. Though society was slowly shifting, transgender individuals still faced widespread judgment and marginalization. My path of learning continued, grounded in empathy and a growing awareness of how vital it is to support others in their truth.
In 2002, I began working as a therapist with adolescents experiencing self-harm and suicidal ideation. Some were LGBTQ+, including youth exploring or identifying as transgender. I saw how the strength to live authentically often came at the cost of social safety. These young people taught me what resilience looks like, but also how deeply fragile and vulnerable they are in the face of rejection, isolation, and stigma.
I retired in 2015 with cautious hope that society was moving toward greater acceptance. But in recent years, that hope has dimmed. Across New Hampshire, some lawmakers and vocal community members have introduced and supported legislation that targets transgender youth and the adults who support them. These policies do not protect children—they harm them.
The rhetoric that accompanies them sends a clear message: that some lives are less worthy of dignity and recognition.
This is not simply political. This is personal. It can be a form of verbal and psychological violence, directed at some of the most vulnerable members of our communities. For transgender youth, it tells them they are unwelcome – that who they are is something to be erased.
Adults often wonder where cruelty among children originates. The answer is simple: it is learned. When young people hear legislators, educators, and community members mock or erase transgender people, they absorb those messages. The result is bullying, harassment, and internalized shame. And in the worst cases, it contributes to devastating loss.
On April 29, 2025, WMUR published a heartbreaking headline: “Manchester mom shares story of child’s death by suicide.” This is not an isolated tragedy. It is part of a broader pattern of harms being inflicted on youth simply for existing.
Can we pause and truly consider what it means to be told—implicitly or explicitly—that your identity is unacceptable? That the state may restrict how you are named or recognized? Imagine the erosion of spirit such rejection causes, especially in a child.
These actions are not only cruel—they are unconscionable.
Yet they are not inevitable.
There was a time when many young people wore simple rubber bracelets imprinted with the letters WWJD—What Would Jesus Do? Having been raised in that tradition, I feel certain that “J” would never treat transgender people—any people—with anything less than respect and appreciation for their innate worth and dignity.
So today, I ask us all to consider a new question: WWID—What Will I Do?
Will I speak out against discrimination? Will I stand with transgender youth and their families? Will I choose understanding over fear, and compassion over cruelty?
Transgender people, especially youth, deserve more than tolerance—they deserve full dignity, safety, and respect. It is within our power to change the current course, to build a world where all children are free to grow into themselves without fear.
It begins with each of us.
Lois Cote lives in Manchester, NH.
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