O P I N I O N
MY THOUGHTS, EXACTLY
By Brian Chicoine
I was listening to music the other day, and the song, “You’ve got a friend in me” from the 1995 movie, Toy Story, came on. This made me think of other songs, such as “Stand by Me,” (from the 1986 movie of the same name), and “That’s what friends are for.” This led me to think about the importance of true friendship. Now I’m not talking about Facebook friends, (although some on the platform can be real friends too), but those people in our lives that are true friends.
Author Sarah Ockler said that in your life you can count your true friends on one hand and maybe even one finger. This is true. In fact, even Jesus had best friends, as well as other close friends, including His disciples, Lazarus and his sisters, Mary and Martha. Of course Jesus also had many acquaintances.
Now of course, Jesus loves everyone, but while on earth, He was closer to some than to others. (It’s like that today. Jesus followers love everyone, but we all have our circle of friends…people who we “click” with more than others).
Back in March, I wrote about the power of Connection. True Friendship is the next step; it goes beyond simple connections to that place where you have that small group of people who you share life with. Beyond that, you may have that smaller group of friends, or that one friend, who you share really deep stuff with, who are with you for the highs and the lows; the person / people that are with you in the valley and on the mountaintop. Your true friend(s) are that real life person or people who are always there for you, even if geographical distance makes the phone or Social Media your connection for a time.
When I was growing up, especially in high school, it was about hanging out with large groups of people, or who had the most phone numbers in their phone book. Most people that I knew had that person who they called “best friend,” but sadly many – including myself – have lost touch with many of those people since then.
So what makes a true friend? Of course there are all kinds of answers, and in many cases true friendship is what the particular person is looking for. But I have found that true friends exhibit the following 5 common qualities:
Five Common Qualities of a true friend
- Loyalty – A true friend is loyal; they are not two-faced and won’t leave you at a whim, they won’t leave you for someone “better,” they won’t leave when the going gets tough, or when they disagree with a decision that you’ve made, (it is okay to disagree, but a true friend will publicly support your choices and not disparage you or your decision). Hopefully, your true friend(s) are part of your decision-making process, but they will stick with you no matter what.
- Honesty – A true friend will be honest with you, no matter how much you don’t want to hear your friend’s take about a situation. A true friend isn’t a “yes man.” A true friend will tell you the sometimes brutal truth.
- Respect – A true friend will always respect you. Even if that true friend disagrees with you, they will respect you and your decision.
- Trust – This is foundational for any relationship to blossom, or to get beyond the acquaintance stage. A true friend, especially a best friend, will fully trust you. Lack of trust can cause a wedge in any relationship. According to research, a lack of trust can lead to things like anxiety and fear of abandonment. Lack of trust can also lead to insane, (or more medically accurate), morbid jealousy, which can absolutely end friendships!
- Empathy – Understanding your friend’s experiences, emotions, victories, and hardships is so important. More importantly though is having the ability to share feelings with your true friend; to truly “be there” for your friend.
True friendship – the ultimate personal connection with another human being – is so important.
It is my sincere hope that everyone has that person, (or small group of people), that they are true friends with because it is something that we all need.
As always, feel free to email any comments to mythoughts603@gmail.com.