For many of us in education, this week marked the start of another school year, although many classes also began last week. The students arrived on the first day, smiling and refreshed from the summer and enthusiastic to dive right into the curriculum and begin the acquisition of knowledge that they will use for the rest of their lives.
And if you believe that scenario, please feel free to email me about purchasing the deed to the Queen City Bridge, which I am currently selling to the highest bidder.
So in celebration of all this pedagogy, I decided to purchase of six-pack of beer and rewatch then review a veritable cinema classic, a film that ranks right up there with “Citizen Kane,” “The Godfather” and “Cocaine Bear” in its enduring legacy.
I’m talking about a film that captures the real-life classroom dynamics and the intricacies of the learning process in ways seldom distilled by the camera’s lens. I’m talking about Alan Metter’s 1986 tour de force “Back to School,” starring the late-comedian Rodney Dangerfield.
While a more cynical critic might dismiss the movie as a cheap ploy to fit the one-liners from Dangerfield’s stand-up act into a feature-length film full of sophomoric pranks and rampant misogyny, they’re clearly missing its deep probe into the system of higher education produced by Ronald Reagan’s America in the 1980s.
At one point, during a romantic interlude, Dr. Diane Turner, an English professor played by the inimitable Sally Kellerman, laments the fact that men of the current generation are “too soft,” with the notable expectation of Thornton Melon (Dangerfield), a self-made millionaire whose roll-up-the-sleeves/nose-to-the-grind knowledge of the business world dwarfs the fluffy theory floated around in a pre-“woke” academia.
Some of us may wonder exactly what specific course Dr. Turner teaches where they read James Joyce, F. Scott Fitzgerald, W.B. Yeats, Tennessee Williams and Dylan Thomas in the same curriculum, but that’s neither here nor there.
The film begins with Melon reaching out to his son Jason (Keith Gordon), who attends Grand Lakes University and lives in a dorm with his roommate, Derek Lutz, a weirdo/communist—because, of course, all communists are weirdos—played by a young Robert Downey Jr. It turns out that Jason has been lying to Papa Melon about his life on campus, telling his father that he belongs to a fraternity and is a member of the venerable diving team at Grand Lakes.
Some of us may wonder exactly why the diving team at Grand Lakes Univiersity garners the same amount of interest and enthusiasm as the football program at the University of Alabama, but that’s neither here nor there.
“Back to School” also showcases the tremendous range of actor William Zabka, who reprises his role as Johnny Lawrence from “The Karate Kid,” the same bully/douche bag that tormented Daniel-san, only he has changed his name to Chas Osbourne.
Now, in fairness, Zabka does show some real depth of character and range playing Johnny Lawrence in the Netflix series “Cobra Kai,” but in “Back to School,” Zabka is just the two-dimensional on-again/off-again boyfriend of Jason Melon’s love interest Valerie Desmond, who is played by Terry Farrell, and not to be confused with Perry Farrell from the band Jane’s Addiction.
This love triangle as a subplot really galvernizes the film. Spoiler alert: Valerie chooses Jason over Chas at the end.
As if all of this isn’t enough to sustain an hour and 36 minutes of pure punch, we also have a cameo by author Kurt Vonnegut Jr. and a kicking soundtrack that includes the fire jam “Dead Man’s Party” by the band Oingo Boingo, who continues to get snubbed by the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.
At the end of the film, Thorton Melon gives a commencement address—some of us may wonder how Melon graduates in one semester, and without a high school diploma, but that’s neither here nor there. It’s speech saturated in the life wisdom that Melon has accumulated as the owner of the Tall and Fat clothing stores.
“It’s a jungle out there,” Melon tells his graduating class. “You have to look out for number one, but don’t step in number two. And so, to all you graduates, as you go out into the world, my advice to you is…don’t go! Move back with your parents and let them worry about it.”
As a parent of a college senior, that’s not funny.
You can reach Nate Graziano at [email protected]