O P I N I O N

NOT THAT PROFOUND

By Nathan Graziano

Whenever I come up with a tremendous idea, my wife will summarily dismiss it as “stupid.” 

This happened last Sunday when we went grocery shopping at the Hannaford’s on Hanover Street. Sundays are busy in the supermarket world, and I was driving around the parking lot, looking for a decent spot. 

Then I saw one, right by the entrance that wasn’t a designated handicap spot. My heart leaped up. “Look at that,” I said to my wife, pointing to the parking spot. “There’s a Costanza.”

“A what?” she asked. 

“A Costanza spot,” I explained. “In ‘Seinfeld,’ whenever George is driving, he looks for prime parking spots by the entrance where you don’t have to pay to park. It requires a balance of patience and frugality. In one episode, George finds a great spot at the hospital when he, Jerry and Elaine have to go “see the baby,” and George won’t stop gloating. But then a guy jumps off the roof and lands on George’s car.” 

“Oh.” 

“Manchester should appoint a parking spot on Elm Street to call “The Costanza.” They should get a local artist to paint a picture of George Costanza on the spot, and it should be free parking. People will compete for it. As long as it’s not near any tall buildings.” 

Liz shook her head. “First of all, no one is going to understand the reference, except for you and a few of your twisted friends who also compulsively watch ‘Seinfeld’ reruns on syndication,” she said. “And secondly, it’s a stupid idea.” 

So, dear Readers, I have decided to use my position as a Manchester Ink Link columnist, a voice in the proverbial wilderness, to prove that my wife, Liz Graziano, is completely wrong, and I deserve a public apology from her.

Additionally, I want to make the parking spot idea a reality. Think about it: It will generate more business from “Seinfeld” enthusiasts—like moi—who will visit downtown solely to snag the coveted Costanza Spot on Elm Street. Imagine people taking pictures, honking in appreciation as they pass the fortunate person who lands The Costanza.

As I mentioned to my wife, you could also employ a local artist to paint a mural of George Costanza on said spot. The city is always trying to promote the arts, right? Here’s a golden opportunity. 

Finally, it’s a little bit of levity in an extremely tense social and political environment right now. Maybe it catches on, and more cities and towns, throughout New Hampshire and nationwide, designate Costanza Spots. Imagine Jason Alexander, who played George Costanza, coming to Manchester to christen the spot. 

Impossible? No. Stupid? Far from it, Liz. 

So I implore you—my friends, my compatriots, my fellow Manchurians—let’s make this happen. Mayor Ruais, we’re talking about your legacy here. Alderman, let’s get behind the mule. 

And, Liz, you owe me an apology.